What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize