I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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