Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
