Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
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we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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