we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
