My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
