So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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