I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
