It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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