textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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