Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
