thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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