i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
