You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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