The brown eye won't let me do that either.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
