my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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