good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
