Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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