You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
