It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
