If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
