Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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