Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
