Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
