I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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