i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
