y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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