He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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