So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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