i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Congratulations! We have a period
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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