The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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