We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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