Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
