Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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