That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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