dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
