All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize