haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
