i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
