i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
