I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
