You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
