My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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