I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
