You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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