Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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