If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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