She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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