Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
