And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
