I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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