I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
