ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
