Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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