yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
