She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
