YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They have beer where we have blood.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
