is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
