If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
