I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
