You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
