It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
