If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
