I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
