Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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