i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
