I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
